A Wee Bit of Perspective

You know, even though hospitals aren't good places for healthy people, they can be good places to gain a little bit of perspective...those not-so-dark 3 ams aren't such bad moments to have a thought or two.

One evening, awash in a bit of an indulgent pity-party, I wandered down the hall in search of a diet Coke. (Keeping in mind, of course, that diet Coke is a VERY poor substitute for ice cream when wallowing in misery!) I crossed paths with two distraught parents following a teeny cribette, which carried their infant daughter. She was hooked up to all sorts of monitors and equipment. They settled in two doors down. A few minutes later, the father and I exchanged a few words while waiting for the nurse--you know, the usual chit-chat that passes for bonding among strangers in the same place. I returned to Patrick's bedside, muttering under my breath about kids who hog the remote control...

Not 10 minutes later, bells were ringing, alarms were sounding, a dad was running down the hall and a mom was screaming "NURSE!! NURSE!! She's blue, she's BLLLLUUUEEEEE!!!" Our sitter for the night raced out to help. The baby was fine...but these moments continued through much of the night. She was eventually airlifted to Hopkins. I'm not sure what happened from there, but have been praying for that family since the first alarm went off.

Now here's the revelation part. I don't think I could handle being those parents. For most of Patrick's life, hubby and I have struggled, muddled and braved our way through. And our circumstances tend to generate opportunities for us to rely on God and build our strengh ("if it don't kill ya, it makes ya stronger", right?).

We planned our trip to the hospital. We knew when we woke up on that Thursday, where we were going and pretty much what was going to happen that day. Sure, there were uncertainties--how long would we stay in the hospital, how would he behave, would it go better than last time--but, for the most part, we had pretty clear and reasonable expectations for our next few days. And, despite our to be expected worries, we were pretty confident that we'd be leaving the hospital with a recovering but otherwise healthy kid.

What would I do if, any minute, my kid could turn blue? My hat goes off to parents who deal with those kinds of issues daily, weekly, hourly. That kind of life on the edge takes a different kind of strength, I think.

Thank you, Lord, for knowing what we can handle...and for only giving us that which You know we can.

THOSE Mommy-moments

Okay, I think all parents have those things they look back on and think "WHY did we make that choice for our child?" For me with Patrick, that was his entire kindergarten year.

More recently, it has been the surgery that we put him through last summer...a femoral osteotomy, the intention of which was to correct significant rotation in his right leg.

June 27th, 2007, 8 am

Initially, everything looked promising and seemed to have resolved his problem--what a wonderful thing it was to look at my boy with his toes pointed forward!! But...despite the best intentions of everyone involved, despite the therapy, despite his pretty good attitude...things just haven't worked out for him. A little more than a year later and he's still using a walker to hobble around. No more stealth mode for this boy-o. Rough year for him. Rough year for the family. All to the point where I'm staring down the face of one GIANT Mommy regret....

So....here we go again. After realizing that not only has his recovery NOT met our expectations, but also his hip is collapsing around the plate, we are going to give surgery another go. This time, the surgeon will be fixing the plate put in last summer, lengthening his right hamstrings AND shortening his left leg to match the right one (currently a 3 inch difference, but hopefully only an inch or so once the plate is fixed and the hams are longer!). BIG surgery, smallish kid.

Thursday, August 14th, 2008 10 am

As a mom, I can only pray that this won't be another of those moments. I can pray that he continues to show the energy and enthusiasm post-op that he's showing this week as he looks forward to his surgery. I can pray for the surgeon's skill & wisdom. I can pray for my family--that the other kids will understand and help and will be patient while I tend to him during his recovery. And I will pray that somehow the purpose of all this will be revealed in His time...because right now, well, it's not overwhelmingly clear why this guy has soooooo much to deal with in his life.

Today, though, I think I will rejoice that he is here with us, despite the odds, despite the doctors and their dire predictions, despite the scariness of his babyhood MRIs. I will enjoy his excitement for the surgery and for the preparations. Can you believe this booger is THRILLED that his bedroom is moving to the dining room?

And I can thank God, rejoicing that you are all out there praying for my boy, my family, our surgeon and me. I covet your prayers, my friends...please keep us lifted up!

A Good Witness...Dilemma

So...I have a friend, who happens to also be a co-worker. She and I have worked together off and on for more than 6 years...and have been friends outside of work as well. She is well acquainted with my beliefs, but is not interested in developing a faith of her own. I wish she were...and she knows that I am more than willing to share at any time. Over the years, we have come to an understanding--I sadly respect that she doesn't want to hear about my Savior and she respects--for the most part--that I have a dependence on God. She was not raised to have any desire for fellowship with God, which baffles and saddens me.

That said...she's a nice lady, raising a cool kid. That cool kid has made friends with another cool kid--both of whom are headed to middle school in the fall. This cool new friend was allowed to enjoy the friendship--UNTIL New Friend's Christian Mom found out that these folks are unchurched AND (horror of horrors!) that my friend WORKS. (Yes, I know--can you believe it?) Yesterday, New Friend's Mom terminated the budding friendship, stating that they are "uncomfortable building relationships with people outside the church." Nothing happened, save the exchange of this tidbit of information.

At first blush, I can understand this. I can sympathize, even. Who doesn't want to surround their children with nothing but folks who share their belief systems?? But the more I think about it, the more angry I become. Aren't we called to love and to share our faith? This family had a WONDERFUL opportunity to reach a child (and through him, his family) and provide a witness--and maybe plant some seeds of faith. This gal didn't ask if my friend was open to church attendance or to her son participating in church activities (she is willing to encourage whatever belief systems her son wishes to investigate). In fact, he attends church often with his father. (oops...forgot that the other strike against 'em...this is my friend's second marriage...)

You know, I understand the "guilty by association" thing. The "garbage in, garbage out" theory. But what about "in the world but not OF the world"? Then I wonder...perhaps she is concerned that her son isn't strong enough in his own faith that he could be easily led astray. The bummer here is that he's not an astray leading type--not even close. But the actions of this mom have cemented my friend's view that Christianity is exclusionary and elitist...and has now left that impression on a young boy. What message are we sending, people???

I guess this situation frustrates me a lot because I've tried sooooo hard to show my friend a different kind of Christianity than she's been exposed to before. I don't know that I'll ever be blessed to lead her to the Lord, but I'm praying that I'm planting seeds. (I acknowledge the role of selfish pride here in the preceeding statements--just as I KNOW that God will use this experience in my friend's life as part of His plan!) And I have been blessed with small signs of God working in her heart... A few years ago, she laughed when I would offer to pray for her, now she *asks* for prayers for her family, she *asks* my opinion on religious matters, and when aforementioned cool kid was asking questions about God, she asked me to answer them.

As Christians, we walk a fine line...trying to exert a positive, Christ-like influence on a fallen world when we live in that fallen world ourselves. It's confusing and enough to make you crazy, isn't it???

Thoughts, my friends???

Random Rants

Okay, so I haven't posted in awhile, but I'm feeling the need to get these couple of things out:

• WHY do some people feel the need to politicize kid/family movies? Wall-E was cute, but a wee bit too politically over the top for me. Went over the kids' heads--mostly--but some of the social commentary just ticked me off. And, yes, I agree with some of it, but even so...if I want social commentary, I'll listen to talk radio or call my dad.
• WHY do people who drive the same way EVERY day wait 'til the LAST POSSIBLE second to merge??...it's not like they don't know it's coming!! And then, they get annoyed and do the whole road rage thing on those of us who plan ahead. Sheesh.
• WHY do I insist that the family use the upstairs bathrooms--reserving the powder room for company--but then I'm the one who is missing our non-functional powder room the most?? (Yes, the post-five-kids bladder + the limp = not working so well for the Mommy...)
• WHY do we women let men run female product companies?? Bought bras the other day and paid and arm & a leg for 'em. Seriously. I think if women ran the lingerie industry, we'd be handing them out for not so much $$. That and *hygiene items*...those would be FREE with a box of chocolate and a bottle of wine. Whaddya say girls? I'm thinking revolution!
• WHO decided that ladies don't need slips anymore?? Really. Tried to find one in a store lately? Looked in 3 major department stores & nary a slip to be found. Clerks in all three told me to try online. Aren't Mamas teaching their girls better anymore? I'm guessing not, since I see (through!) skirts & dresses at work all the time. Probably the same folks who brought us the ever-popular bra-strap baring spaghetti strap tank top? Or the delightful gals wearing strapless tops with strapped bras. Jiminy cricket (and just plain ICK!) ! Kinda making it a challenge for me to keep teaching my beasties about modesty. (no, no one said it would be easy...but really!)

*sigh* Okay...'nuf ranting for now. I think...

WOW!

Just popped back into my hotel room after sitting on a beautiful white sand beach. Am in Clearwater, FL for a conference this week. While I have missed my family dreadfully, I am appreciating this time away to re-energize, to recharge to restore my being with the sounds of the ocean. This week, I've been realizing how much growing up close to the beach fed my soul...helped make me who I am. Helped shape my awe at the God we love and strive to serve. Two nights ago, I bobbed in the waves at sunset and just revelled in all that we've been given. You HAVE to know there is a loving God, Universal Designer...One after our own hearts, Giver of life and this Earth. How could you walk through even a small bit of this world and not? Think about it...

• He could have made the sun just revolve around the Earth, night into day, day into night--with NO fanfare, no spectacle, no brilliant shades of pink & blue.
• He could have made evergreens and said "This is a TREE" and it could have been the only kind of tree--no oaks, no maples, no elms, no dogwoods bursting into bloom.
• He could have made daisies and said "These are FLOWERS." No fragrant roses, no lilacs, no lavender. Or maybe made only one color of each....
• He could have made dachshunds and said "This is DOG."

Get my point? Which is that HE DIDN'T. He made our world in wondrous variety, amazing species, sights and features, and then populated our world with an amazingly similar variety of people.
WOW! How cool is that???
Thank you, God for the wonder that is the world around us. For the endless variety of all that dwells here with us...